Let's Talk about Sleep Training: 6 Popular Sleep Training Methods Simplified and How to Pick What's Right for YOU
Today’s topic is sleep training – cue the blood pressure spike. But before we explain what sleep training is or how the Little Dipper approach is different, we need to make a statement loud and clear:
The Little Dipper Sleep blog is a 100% judgement-free zone. The parents who come to us for support love their children deeply and make their decisions based on what’s true in their heart and best for their unique family. For many parents, sleep training is exactly what they need to be their best selves, which is exactly what their babies need. There are some loud voices out there shaming parents who chose to teach sleep independence, which causes unnecessary grief and guilt. At Little Dipper, we respect all parents who love their babies, and wholeheartedly believe that sleep training is a personal decision. We support those who want to do it, and those who do not. And we help folks improve their child’s sleep, and their own, in a holistic and lasting way. Sometimes parents we work with want to teach their kiddos to sleep independently, some parents do not. We respect and support all of these parents on their unique path to stellar sleep.
So…are you thinking about teaching your baby to sleep on their own?
Or maybe you’ve been researching sleep training online and came across dizzying amounts of conflicting advice? Or maybe you stumbled into one of the vicious debates about sleep training, and want to know what the fuss is all about? Let us help you drill down into what sleep training is and isn’t, and how the Little Dipper approach is different from the masses.
What is sleep training?
Sleep training is the process of teaching a baby or child to fall asleep alone, without help from caregivers or sleep props. By teaching a baby to fall asleep independently, they are more likely to fall back to sleep on their own when they wake in the night or during a nap.
FYI, we prefer the terms sleep teaching (you’re the teacher), sleep learning (your baby is the student), and sleep coaching (you’re Baby’s support system and cheerleader), to the pervasive term “sleep training.” The words teach, learn, and coach indicate that learning to sleep for longer stretches of time is a skill that babies have the capacity to develop, just like they will eventually learn to read or ride a bike, with lots of support and encouragement along the way. As parents, we can provide the necessary environment and support for this learning to take place, whether it's falling asleep without sleep props or riding a bike. We’ll use the terms sleep teaching and sleep training interchangeably here.
What are sleep props?
To illustrate this point, let’s take a look at the Sleep Help Scale below—where on the scale does your baby currently spend the most time when falling asleep? This scale will help you figure out how much external support your baby needs to sleep well. If you and your baby are anywhere other than #1 on the scale below, it's possible that your baby has a "sleep onset association" (aka sleep prop) that’s getting in the way of their stellar sleep.
The Sleep Help Scale: from the most help falling asleep to the least. © 2022 Little Dipper Wellness LLC
The problem with sleep onset associations is that after about 3-4 months of age, they often lead to crappy sleep (feel free to read about the infamous 4 month sleep regression here). This tends to be when folks start thinking about eliminating sleep props, or in other words, parents begin researching “sleep training.”
So, where are you on the Sleep Help Scale? Could it be time to coach your baby toward sleep independence?
How to sleep train a baby
There is no “right” way to teach your baby to fall asleep independently.
There are hundreds (millions?) of methods out there, and a helluva a lot of loud voices saying that their approach to baby sleep is the “only” or “best.” We wholeheartedly disagree. The right method for improving your baby’s sleep is the method that works for your unique family. The key is finding an approach that you can stick to for the long haul.
So regardless of where you are on the Sleep Help Scale now, the goal with sleep teaching is to reach #1 - total independence in falling asleep. First at bedtime, then throughout the night (note: sleep training doesn’t equal night weaning - more on this in the FAQs at the end), and finally at nap time, if needed. If you're currently at a #9 or #10 for most sleeps, it will likely take a bit longer than if you're currently at #3 or #4. Truth be told, most folks start somewhere in the 7-10 range so if you're chillin' at a 9 or 10 right now with lots of feeding to sleep or co-sleeping, you are in good company and you will still succeed once you find a method that jives with your family.
Rather than getting hung up on which particular method to use, we urge our parents to keep their eyes on #1 on the Sleep Help Scale. In a loving and supportive home, any progress toward that end will help move their baby toward sleep independence.
Truly, there are just two camps in teaching sleep independence: methods that restrict when a baby can be soothed and methods that do not.
Here’s a quick synopsis of the most popular sleep training methods. None of them are the “best” or “right” way to teach sleep independence. I’ve seen them all work countless times and they can easily be combined into those two camps: responsive and restrictive.
All of the sleep training methods can be grouped into one of two camps: those that are responsive and those that are restrictive.
The more responsive sleep teaching methods:
Pick Up / Put Down
put your baby down awake
sit next to the crib
pat them if they get upset
pick them up if they get really upset
put them back down and stop patting when they stop crying
offer lots of verbal reassurance and shushing
stay in the room until the baby is asleep
Our two cents: this can be great for younger babies, but loads of picking up and putting back down really pisses off some kiddos. We’ve seen it work many times, as young as 8 weeks (though we never recommend folks try for more than 20 minutes at a time with itty-bitties –they need your snuggles and we don’t want them to get overtired either).
Fading
swap out the favored sleep prop for a less favored one for a few nights (e.g. replace nursing/bottle to sleep with rocking to sleep)
then swap out the less favored but now acceptable prop for a less favored prop for a few more nights (e.g. replace rocking to sleep with holding to sleep in stillness)
and so on, slowly moving your way down the Sleep Help Scale to #1(e.g. replace holding to sleep with patting to sleep, then intermittent patting, then verbal reassurance, and then physical presence only with intermittent verbal reassurance, and then move out of the room at bedtime)
parents can do as much soothing as they please, whenever they please, along the path toward more sleep independence (e.g. if you’re working on patting them to sleep but need you to pick them up to help soothe them, that’s a-okay).
Our two cents: If we had to pick just one approach to sleep teaching, this would be it. It’s gradual, respectful to parent and baby, and can teach a baby to sleep independently without much stress. We’ve seen it work thousands of times and is our go-to for families that want to minimize tears. But, we don’t have to pick just one approach and some folks find this too tedious. If you need your baby to sleep through the night next week, this probably isn’t your method.
The Sleep Lady Shuffle (the “gentler” chair method)
put your baby down awake
sit next to the crib in a chair
pat them if they get upset
pick them up if they get really upset
put them back down and stop patting when they stop crying
offer lots of verbal reassurance and shushing
stay in the room until the baby is asleep and return to the chair only if they wake up throughout the night.
every 3 nights, move the chair a bit further from the crib until the baby has learned to fall asleep without you in the room.
Our two cents: When you come across a “gentle sleep coach” or someone talking about “gentle sleep training,” this is likely the method they are using. It works when the parents can be consistent and persistent and when the baby doesn’t get too pissed about parents being in the room but not doing what they are accustomed to (e.g. “Why aren’t you rocking me to sleep?”).
More restrictive sleep teaching methods:
The Chair Method (with no pick ups)
put your baby down awake
sit in a chair or on the floor next to the crib
try to minimize interaction and keep it boring
offer verbal reassurance or patting if needed, but do not pick them up
stay in the room until the baby is asleep and return to the chair only if they wake up throughout the night.
every 3 nights, move the chair a bit further from the crib until the baby has learned to fall asleep without you in the room.
Our two cents: If parents want to stay in the room with their child as they’re learning sleep independence, but also want fairly quick results, this can be a good option. But be warned–some babies will get really mad when a parent is in the room but not giving them what they want. Also, if you’re easily triggered or thrown into panic by crying, this is going to be brutal on you since you stay in the room. We don’t recommend this method often at all.
The Ferber Method / Controlled Comforting / Check & Console
put your baby down awake
leave the room
if your baby begins to cry, set the timer for three minutes and stay out of the room
if Baby is still crying at the end of three minutes, go in and pat them on the back. Say soothing words. Comfort them. But Ferber says: do not pick them up. Stay for a minute or less.
leave again
if your baby begins to cry, set the timer for 5 minutes.
if Baby is still crying at the end of 5 minutes, repeat what you did at 3 minutes.
leave again
if your baby begins to cry, set your timer for 10 minutes.
keep checking and consoling every 10 minutes until your baby falls asleep.
on Night 2, start at 5 minutes before the first check. Then go in at 10, then 15.
on Night 3, start at 10 minutes before the first check, then go in at 15, then 20. Keep gradually increasing the intervals each subsequent night.
Note: there are many variations of this same method. Some tell you that it’s okay to pick up your baby and snuggle them whenever you feel like they won’t calm down without it. Others say you can make up your own intervals. The bottom line with Ferber and it’s bazillion spin-offs is that the baby must fall asleep alone in their crib, ideally with you out of the room.
Our two cents: This method is widely researched and very effective for most babies, so long as the parents can stick with it. There can be a lot of crying though. And some babies get even more mad after the “check and console” than they would have been if left alone. This may not be a good fit for parents who experienced childhood trauma or who are easily triggered by their child’s crying for other reasons.
Cry It Out / Extinction
put your baby down awake
leave the room and don’t come back
trust that your baby will eventually fall asleep
Our two cents: Like Ferber, this method is effective for most babies so long as their parents stick with it. We’ve seen so many families throw in the towel on this one so know yourself before you begin. When done properly, babies begin sleeping through the night rather quickly–and we’ve seen this happen many times too. If you’re using this method and your baby is crying for hours after several nights, it’s likely not a good fit for your child or something else is preventing it from working. With this method, there is less “teaching” going on, so I’d actually call this “sleep training” exclusively. As with Ferber, this may not be a good fit for parents who experienced childhood trauma or who are easily triggered by their child’s crying for other reasons.
The Little Dipper Approach to Sleep Teaching –flexible, evidence-based, and rooted in mindfulness
Again, all of these methods of sleep teaching work when implemented consistently, when the healthy sleep foundations are in place [get our FREE checklist to see how you’re doing here], and when the method is a good match for the baby’s temperament and family. There is no “correct” method for teaching a baby to fall asleep on their own. And no one of these methods is “wrong” for everyone either.
We depart in a big way from many of the other sleep programs in this sentiment–we are totally flexible and do not pretend to know what’s best for your unique family. But we do know all the sleep training methods and their variations inside and out, how to distill them down to simple steps, and how to coach you toward your goals in a way that is respectful of you, your baby, your relationship, and your individual needs. We help find the right method for you.
We’re also known for the Mindful Method for SleepTM. We equip parents with what nearly all other sleep programs miss: the essential mindset tools and scientific insight you need to help your family discover stellar sleep. We’ll take a deeper dive into the Mindful Method for Sleep in next week’s blog, so stay tuned.
As long as your baby is 4 months old (ideally 5 or 6 months), and with the Mindful Method for Sleep as your anchor, we'll help you find the right match. You're the expert on your family! And again, regardless of where you are on the Sleep Help Scale now, here's the truth: When your baby falls asleep entirely on their own, regularly, and all of the other sleep foundations are in place, you can expect your baby to sleep REALLY well. You can expect your baby's sleep to be stellar!
Photo courtesy of Minnie Zhou, @marslady
Let’s get started now. Book your service or schedule a free introductory call today.
And while you’re at it, grab our [FREE] Top 10 Tips for Stellar Sleep e-book too:
You’ll want to implement these suggestions before starting sleep training (doing so will boost your chances of success and reduce crying).
Good luck to you, tired and loving parent! You’re awesome and we’re cheering you on.
Frequently Asked Questions about Sleep Training
ISN’T SLEEP TRAINING JUST CRY IT OUT?
Absolutely not. As trained and experienced Sleep Coaches, we’ve seen all of the various sleep training/teaching methods work like a charm - some with very little to no crying and some with a lot. Baby temperament, parental consistency, and the chosen method all impact how much crying happens during the process of teaching sleep independence. As Sleep Coaches who care deeply about both secure attachment and parental mental health, we are committed to helping you find a sleep teaching method that feels right to you.
WILL SLEEP TRAINING HARM MY BABY OR OUR RELATIONSHIP?
Not the way we do it! We look at root causes and we ensure that secure attachment is fostered and maintained every step of the way.
I WANT TO CONTINUE BREASTFEEDING. CAN I IMPROVE MY BABY’S SLEEP WHILE PRESERVING MY BREASTFEEDING RELATIONSHIP AND MILK SUPPLY?
Yes! If you’re breastfeeding and want to keep at it, go for it. Switching to formula will not help your baby’s sleep issues, and it’s totally possible to breastfeed and work on sleep at the same time - we did it ourselves as parents of babies and have helped thousands of parents do the same. Of course, if you choose to formula feed, that’s great too! We support whatever makes you and your baby happy and healthy.
HOW LONG DOES SLEEP TRAINING TAKE?
For most families, this process starts yielding positive changes in anywhere from a couple of days to a couple of weeks. But, with the most responsive of the sleep teaching methods, it can take longer. Timelines do vary, depending on your goal’s and your child’s temperament (or your own).
Consistency is the key. When a child’s parent or caregiver is diligent with the process, results come more quickly and last longer.
I WANT MY KIDDO TO SLEEP WELL. DOES THIS MEAN I HAVE TO SLEEP TRAIN?
It’s quite possible to have a child who sleeps well without ever sleep training. How a baby falls asleep at the start of the night is only one factor of the many that impact how well that child sleeps. Routines, schedules, temperament, parental stress levels, sleep environment, cultural perceptions of sleep, and countless other variables are at play. At Little Dipper, we’ve helped many families improve sleep without ever sleep training. However, when night wakings are problematic for a family, we do consider how the baby falls asleep at the start of the night, and if you’re willing to adapt the routine.
WHAT’S THE BEST AGE TO SLEEP TRAIN?
There is no perfect time for sleep training because there will always be teething, a new milestone, an illness, or some other unexpected disruption throwing a wrench into your perfect plan. We just want to make sure that the baby isn’t at the height of a Wonder Weeks leap and is at least four months old (and at least six months old if you’re using a more restrictive method).
Over the years, we’ve found that there is a sweet spot just after the six month mark. At this age, babies have a fully developed circadian rhythm and are at a good developmental stage to learn new sleep skills. Most babies aren’t pulling up yet either, which can make the process a little more challenging (but still 100% doable). So, if the stars align to tackle sleep training between 6-7 months, go for it! But, if you’re well past the 6 month marker, no worries. You can still be successful!
HOW DO YOU SLEEP TRAIN A TODDLER/PRESCHOOLER?
Teaching a toddler to sleep independently is a totally different ballgame. You may have some luck with the Fading method described above, but there is a lot of prep work that needs to be done to ensure that your kiddo is feeling safe and secure. If you have a child who’s aged out of sleep training, we’ve got your back with evidence-based methods that will build your kiddo’s feelings of security and self-confidence in sleep. Here’s our [FREE] Top 10 Tips for Stellar Sleep e-book for kids two to five years old, to help get moving toward stellar sleep.