Why Little Dipper needs a nap
Oh friends. This has been a tough season in parenting. The uncertainty, the relentlessness, the grief, the anger, the sibling rivalry, the distance learning, the meltdowns, and the list goes on and on. When I signed up for parenting, I knew it would be hard, but never in my wildest dreams did I conceive of what we’ve endured thus far in 2020. I promise this post won’t be all doom and gloom because yes there are silver linings to be found. But at the end of the day, I am TIRED and I imagine you are too. If not, please send me some of your secret sauce because until a couple of months ago I fancied myself a sleep expert. FYI: I’m writing in haste today because I need to get my thoughts out there on the blogosphere before the uncertainty creeps in and I change my mind.
Here’s where Little Dipper stands and why my business is taking a nap: After weeks (or is it months? eons? I’ve lost track.) of deliberating, I can finally thank my inner guide for a moment of clarity. The only workable option for me and my family is to take a break from consulting. My intention is for this break to be more of a power nap than a hibernation, but a break is needed nonetheless. The reasons are many, but those of greatest significance are as follows:
Stress. It’s everywhere. With everything going on in the world, dealing with disrupted sleep is worse than ever and stress is a major factor. It's the pits, and if you are tired and sleeping like crap you are definitely not alone. You are one of the gazillions. It's really a mess and I wish I had a magic wand to help so many people in need. But unfortunately, until the stress goes down, we'll probably continue to see widespread sleep disturbances in ourselves, and in our children. When our bodies are stressed, our sleep suffers. It’s a biological fact. And our kiddos feel stress of their own with disrupted routines, missing their friends, getting accustomed to wearing and seeing masks, and familial angst (maybe yours is angst-less but I know my isn’t), and so on. And the long overdue conversations and action around anti-racism and the Black Lives Matter Movement adds another layer of very necessary but also very real stress. On top of that, they absorb parental stress. Holy moly this is a lot.
Because stress and sleep are so intertwined, sleep may continue to suffer in spite of doing everything else “right.” And even if you get sufficient sleep, the stress itself is exhausting. Because of this, I cannot take anyone’s money because I cannot guarantee improved sleep.
Furthermore, I’d rather folks with means use their money to donate to The Black Lives Matter Global Network, the Bail Project, to one of the victim memorial funds listed here, or to any other organization working to bring social justice and/or eradicate white supremacy, in return, or to any individual you know who is suffering financially, or to an organization helping those who are food or housing insecure. Those are the people who need it.
My family needs me more than ever. With two kids home (4 years old and almost 9) and no childcare, my work and family lives have coexisted over the past several months and honestly it’s been extremely challenging. I know you can relate. It seemed necessary and doable back in March and April, and I even found humor in the office space I set up in my closet. I mean, really, it’s just a place to hide where I can take calls and hope no one finds me. But they, meaning the little detectives with whom I share my house, are onto me so my hiding spot is no longer hidden. Damn. It’s not so funny anymore. And as time has passed, and the exhaustion has set into my bones, my perspective has changed.
I guess the point is that I feel like neither my clients nor my children have received my full attention and that is not OK. Since my kids are my kids, day in and day out, no matter what, they win this battle for my attention. I pledge to find a way to meet both my clients’ and kiddos’ needs ASAP. But for now, I need to focus on being the parent that my children deserve.
Or maybe everything will just go back to the way it was? I can work and they can go to camp and we can have amazing family time in the evenings and on the weekends? I’m not holding my breath on that one. But one can dream….
My confidence is wavering. As my confidence in coaching has degraded over the past few months, it’s become clear that I need to pause and reflect on how to best serve folks when we are dealing with so many stressors and emotionally challenging events. In normal times, I’m extremely confident in what I do. I’ve had extensive training, I know the science, I know child development, I know how to really listen to people, and I trust my intuition. But the last piece is where the problem lies. My gut is telling me to just tell folks to snuggle the hell out of their children. And it doesn’t seem fair to charge anyone $150 for that advice. So I suppose the truth is that to maintain my authenticity as a sleep coach, I need time to pause and reflect. Hence the (hopefully we’re just talking a month, maybe two) break from taking clients.
It pains me to leave exhausted parents at a loss. I truly love my work and love supporting parents along their sleep journey. In an effort to continue being there for you in some capacity, I’m making my Little Dipper Sleep Foundations Guide available, for free, to anyone who wants it. Just send me a note, tell me how old your kids are so I can send the appropriate guide, and it’s yours. I also hope to keep my blog rolling, and have plans to put out useful, timely, and free sleep guidance for folks that way. Feel free to request topics!
Finally, and most importantly, the work of being an anti-racist feels far more important than anything else right now. I want to do everything I can to raise my white kids to be anti-racists, and I’m working hard to do the research and have the conversations to make it happen. So taking a pause from consulting seems very well-timed in this sense.
I realize the privilege I have in making this decision to take a break from work with clients. My husband’s job is stable, we are doing just fine financially, and we have parents and siblings with means who could help out in a heartbeat if we began to suffer. This is all the more reason for me to channel the available energy I can summon into being an activist, and teaching my children to be activists too.
If you made it through all of this wordiness, please accept an enormous, tired, virtual hug from one parent to another. You are amazing. And you deserve a long nap. So I give you my full, certified sleep consultant, permission to turn on a movie for your kids and lay down for a while.
Xoxo
Liz & family